[Squaredancing] Square Hopper

[nshukayr at aol.com]

Do you ever need to be at a certain place in the square, but a
lost clueless dancer blocks your path?  It's a dilemma!  You
can't go THROUGH the obstacle.  You can't go UNDER.  There's
really not much you can do ... until now!  Today we proudly
announce the new Square Hopper!

Square Hopper is essentially a Pogo Stick with several important
enhancements:

 - Square Hopper bounces in time with the music.
 - It can jump heights of 6 feet or more.
 - Unsightly mechanical parts are covered by a fluffy petticoat.

With Square Hopper you can go directly to your correct ending
position by bouncing OVER anyone in your way. Just imagine!  No
more bumping into people.  No more saying "Pardon me" which might
cause you to miss the next call. With Square Hopper, the right
spot is just a hop away!

What if two dancers in a square both have Square Hoppers?  No
problem! Whenever two Square Hoppers meet in flight, the Right
Shoulder Rule applies.  And if two Square Hoppers end on the same
spot, they take turns bouncing diagonally into that one spot.  A
new organization (HopperLab) will be formed to define these and
many other rules.

Square Hopper helps dancers keep in time with the music.  The
main spring is easily adjustable.  Simply ask your caller to
announce the music tempo prior to each tip.  Square Hopper's main
scale is calibrated in Beats (Hops) Per Minute.  The secondary
scale is an old-fashioned 45 RPM slider, and the third scale is
the simplest with just three easy settings: Normal, Too Slow, and
Hang On For Dear Life.

As a special promotion, if you buy eight Square Hoppers the ninth
one is free!  And just WHO will use that ninth Square Hopper? The
CALLER of course!  Some callers are not accustomed to dancers
hopping up and down.  The caller might become disoriented.  But
if the caller uses a Square Hopper too, then everyone bounces at
the same time so everything appears normal.

Callers must be careful to watch only hopping dancers, without
looking at the walls, ceiling and floor. The sight of the room
bouncing up and down might distract the caller.  Please note that
many callers are accustomed to seeing a room SPINNING around,
especially while imbibing after a dance. But a room HOPPING up
and down is a totally new sensation which should be avoided.

Don't expect to use your Square Hopper right away! You'll need
lessons.  For your convenience, lessons start once a year and the
class lasts eight months.  The first two lessons are free, but if
you miss three lessons you're out and you have to start over.
After graduation you must hop only in beginner squares for a year
until you're finally allowed into good squares.  Most people
would be turned off by all these restrictions.  But you're
already a square dancer, so you already know how to survive such
an ordeal.

With Square Hopper, you'll end up where you need to be, in style
and in time with the music.  Everyone else will have one. Whether
or not you're ready, don't you want to rush to the same level as
everyone else?  Order your Square Hopper today!

Nasser "If you can bounce, you can Square Hop" Shukayr
San Benito, Texas